The Dog Doo Detective

Warning: This is a hard-hitting post about dog poo. If you do not want to read about dog poo, I don't blame you, and I won't know if you just sneak out of here.

Go ahead...I'm not looking! For those of you who stayed...

I have a variety of uneviable jobs around the house, including:

• Grocery Getter - Responsible for the eats of all humans and hounds.
• Toilet Paper Replacer - Who else is going to do it?
• Uni-Brow Separator - Because only Frida can pull off that look.
• Ear Hair Trimmer - 'Nuff said.
• Toenail Dremmeler - If only I could train the dogs to do this themselves!
• and yes, Dog Doo Detective.

Believe it or not, I assumed this duty/doody by choice, because I think the quality and quantity of a dog's, uh, output says a lot about the state of the dog. It also tells me how I need to adjust his diet. Before I go explain, let's all pause a moment to reflect on how happy we are that there's no picture to accompany this post. You're welcome, my friends.

• Constipation - It's time to whip out the plain canned pumpkin. No dog-inclusive family should be without this in the cupboard, if you ask me.
• Too Small - More veggie mix to add some bulk.
• Too Hard - Add more fatty meats.
• Too Loose - (I actually haven't run across this yet). Assuming worms weren't the cause, which I'd want to rule out, I'd probably do more necks and let the lean meaty bones do their work.
• The Big D - Cooked chicken and rice is the ticket for this, and I need to pick up a few cans to keep next to my emergency pumpkin, because you never know when this one might hit!
• Last but certainly not least - Ribbon-Poo - The name says it all, and if you see this variety, it's time to check those glands or roll to the vet. Greyhounds aren't prone to anal gland problems, but better safe than sorry.

If you've read all of this, congratulations. You just might be a Dog Doo Detective, yourself.