Ladies, have your boobs started to take a roll? Do your previously-perky sweater puppets mock you by staring downward in a sullen gaze? If you answered “yes” to either of these questions, or you suspect your hooters resemble two tube socks tied together and flung around your neck with a couple of bucks worth of change in the toes, you probably need a bra fitting.Here’s a shocking statistic for you: fully 85% of us gals are wearing the wrong sized bra. That’s a lot of sagging, bagging, and wagging, wouldn’t you say? Bearing this in mind, I had a bra fitting recently, which I’ll describe now without further ado.
Atlanta’s own Phipps Plaza is the home of Intimacy, a veritable wonderland of sensible foundation garments. In addition to a huge inventory, this place is staffed by loads of matronly ladies with bifocals, discerning eyes, and tape measures. As you enter, you may notice that there’s not a droop in sight as the customers leave the store, in stark contrast to their state as they enter the store. You sign in with a hostess, and she adds your name to the list. When your turn is up, one of the bespectacled matrons calls your name and takes you into one of several fitting rooms, which she enters with you.
My fit specialist, Donna, was the first to speak upon closing the curtain. “Let’s get that top off and see what we’re working with here.” I haven’t dated in a long time, but isn’t it customary to buy a gal dinner first? No matter; I do as I’m instructed, and a visual weighing and measuring process begins.
“What size bra are you wearing now?”, she asks briskly.
“36C”, I reply, judging from her face that this is the wrong answer.
“Um-hmmm. Wait here please.”, as if she needed to tell me to wait there, since my other choice was to streak out of the place topless.
Before I even had time to contemplate the idea, Donna was back with a very business-like nude brassiere. With one hand she unsnapped the bra I was wearing and somehow removed it from my person without time for an objection. Now brandishing the serious-looking nude bra, she swung it in front of me with the following instructions:
“Arms straight out” (whereupon Donna stuck my arms through the straps), “Now bend over like you’re touching your toes” (at which point she uh, arranged my goods into the garment), “Now stand back up straight” (and she fastened the hooks).
Bear in mind that the whole process took about 30 seconds, and I had every expectation that she couldn’t possibly have guessed the correct size without a tape measure. Donna, I’m sorry I ever doubted you, girl. Can you ever forgive me?
Upon standing up, I realized that it fit perfectly. I looked thinner. Taller. Just like those gals leaving the store. It was amazing.
“I’ll take it.”, I said, still shocked at how quickly it had all happened.
“I knew you would”, she said, clearly satisfied. “I’ll get you a few more to try and then we’ll check out. By the way, you’re a 32F.” F as in, I can't Freakin' believe what I'm hearing, or how Flipping Fantastic my Fun bags look!
Ladies, you’ve got to give this a try. The holidays are coming…have you thought about what you’ll give your boobies?
8 comments:
My mother use to work for the intimates department at Sears and took me at a very early age to be fitted by the expert there. Ever since, I've always known the right fitting bra was critical! And you are so right, women look thinner and taller with the right fitting bolder holders on! Support the girls properly and they won't sag and droop as bad later on in life!
You are so funny! I never thought about bending over to put my bra on. Might have to try that. I've always wondered about getting fitted and wondered if it was worth it. My boobs are pretty small (I'm wearing an A cup now and I can't fill it), so I generally think of myself as only needing nipple coverage :-) and not really much support.
Jen
You told me about this while I was there but, it was sooo funny when I read it, that I laughed until I cried ! I just read it to Doris, she is still laughing. You do know how to cheer up a person..
I will save my coins for a fitting next time I come for a visit.
doraman is my v. word for this comment
Back in the dark ages when I got my first bra my mom took me to Rich's to be fitted. It's a shame that to get what used to be routine service, you now have to go to a specialty shop. I've heard about Intimacy and have threatened to go there myself several times as I'm sure, from looking at my reflection, that I'm wearing the wrong size. You make it sound like such an adventure, I may just have to give it a try. Thanks for the laugh.
FYI my verification word is bacro. Addie no longer has to hide on the bacro since she got her new bra.
Amen, Christie, I'm absolutely a believer!
Jen, you're killing me with the nipple coverage, and you probably don't need to bend over to put your bra on...the idea behind that is to corral your back fat and underarm pooch into the cups (because apparently it's renegade boobage that should be captured). No back fat=no need to bend over!
Mom, I'm glad you and Doris had a giggle!
Zan, it is absolutely worth it to not have to sit in the bacro anymore. :-)
Very interesting. Thanks for the tip. Yeah, I don't have any back fat. Even my boobs are slim :-).
Jen
This was hilarious ...especially since I spent quite a bit of time yesterday on line reading about correct fittings and cruising through the selections at "Linda's" in New York. I forgot that Phipps had Intimates. My daughter and I should give it a try. It's humorous when she and I shop together for bras! ahhh, what age and nursing can do to you...
All of this reminds me of the joke about the lady's reply when she was asked her size...answer: "36 long".
i think Jen and I shop in the same department - the sticker department. maybe i should go and they can figure out how to give me some F boobies. I'm so jealous.
Post a Comment