Part 3: The Sauna Room & The Baths

Braless and decked out in your uniform, you might feel a little like those tribal women my brother used to gawk at in National Geographic. Or maybe you look around the room and feel like a reject from that Hale-Bopp Comet Cult, but none of that really matters. Even if you care, nobody else does, and this is not the time to be self-conscious, is it?

This main sauna area is open to guys and dolls, and also includes a food court where you can get some mediocre Korean food and fresh juice. People lounge on the tile floor or lean against giant logs strategically positioned in the room. Within this main area, you’ll also find the sauna rooms, which have varying themes, temperature levels, and therapeutic claims. There’s an Ice Room, Jade Igloo, Baked Clay Room, Charcoal Room, Silver & Gold Hut, Jewel Room (the most beautiful, if you ask me), and the Rock Salt Room (which is BY FAR the hottest. If you stand on the tile too long in here, you’ll literally burn your feet, so head for a bamboo mat as soon as you can).

Now that you’ve completely pitted out in the sauna, it’s time to head for the baths. You’ll go back into the locker room and procrastinate for a minute while you contemplate the prospect of going au naturale amidst all these strangers. I’m not sure whether this is easier to confront with a group of friends or not; at least if you go it alone you don’t have to worry about your pals waking up in a cold sweat reliving the sight of your hail damage. Then again, the debate that’s sure to take place with friends can be a great procrastination tool. Here’s how it goes: “Are you going to get naked?”, “I don’t know…are you?”, “I will if you will.” Debate or no debate, everybody seems to eventually decide to go for it.

At this point, your naughty bits are out in the open, and you enter the water area and take a shower before entering any of the pools, which range from hypothermia-inducing to a flesh blanching near-boil. Personally, I could only handle the “warm” pool, which turned all my submerged skin a lovely shade of barn red. As you look around, you’ll see ladies of every description. Young, old, firm, wobbly, and everything in between, mostly Korean, some Eastern European. The Korean ladies are totally uninhibited, scrubbing each others backs, having animated conversations, walking around as if this whole scene if totally natural. Which I suppose it is, when you think about it.

On the other side of a tiled partition, you’ll see more ladies laid out on tables like sides of beef, having themselves scrubbed to within an inch of their lives. Now that’s an experience I can’t wait to describe here.