Confessions of a Trophy Wife

Bitchin' Mohawk Creator

Add to my considerable list of awesome parenting skills the amazing differentiator of “Bitchin’ Mohawk Creator”.

Behold the splendor of Tyler’s new ‘do, which was his request, by the way. I realize that as a parent it’s my job to say “No” to such requests, but it’s much more in my nature to participate in the foolishness.

In my defense, it’s not like he wanted to get a perm, and as you can see, I cut a pretty mean ‘hawk. It was pretty fun to do, and if he would have let me dye the center part blue or green, I'd have been in hog heaven. Of course that was not to be...you all know I'm banned from home dye jobs since my gothic Halloween dye-baucle.

Anyway, if you’re in the market for an edgy new look that doesn't involve color, let me know. It’ll be on the house.

Catch o' the Day!

Ladies & Gents, permit me to announce that Hoover is damn proud of himself today, with good reason. What hound worth his spots, stripes, or solid wouldn't walk a little prouder after nabbing a 15-20 pound opossum and shaking him silly?

So last night at a little after 10:00, I let the boys out for their last tinkle of the day, which is normally a quick process. This time, Hoover spied the hapless marsupial as soon as the door opened, and he flew past Bruno down the steps toward his new toy. He reached the tree where the poor fellow was perched, leapt up, grabbed him, and shook his new friend like shaking was going out of style.

Let's take a break from the action and peek into the window of my panic, shall we? Great!

My mind said, "Oh crap, is that a cat? What the hell is that? Where's Bruno? Damn! He is shaking the crap out of that cat...Sweet Mother of Pearl!"

My mouth said, "Hoover, no!...No!...NO!" Now back to the action...

By the time I reached the third "no", Hoover dropped the opossum, who was playing dead and probably not nearly as much fun as he had been initially. Hoover stood with the little furry guy at his feet, wagging his tail and smiling. He stared at me for a moment, and then flounced off to do his business. It was then we were able to see that it wasn't a cat, but the biggest, fattest opossum either G or I had ever seen. Incidentally, those hairless tails make me a little nauseous, but I won't bore you with the details on that right now.

Long story short, the opossum eventually wandered off in a bit of a daze, and Hoover, who didn't have a scratch on him, has been strutting around like a rock star today. As for me, in the future, I'll check the yard and make some noise before I let those dogs outside, and hopefully that will scare off any potential victims.

Photo Tag

I've been tagged by Sirius Sighthounds to post the sixth picture in my sixth photo folder and explain it, then I'm supposed to tag six other bloggers to do the same.

This picture was actually sent to me by Scott from Blue Barron's Place, and this is a picture of Hoover's haul from the track to the kennel to begin his life of retirement. As it happens, Scott hauled Hoover (in the foreground), and the dog in the background (who I think may be FKA Go Peanut Go or maybe Wiki Onetime), and he was kind enough to send me the pictures from Hoov's big break.

Now for the tagging:

Green Vibrance

Since it's still New Year's resolution time, I thought you might all want to give one of my favorite products a whirl (except the Bosslady, that is. I'm sorry this made you gag; can you forgive me?)

For you non-gaggers out there, I'm talking about Green Vibrance Super Food, an emerald elixir I happen to love. I came across this stuff about a year ago when I was considering doing the Martha's Vineyard 30 Day Detox, and although I didn't follow through with that (big surprise!), I did find Green Vibrance to be great for a hangover. In fact, I confirmed several times (ok, dozens of times) that it's great for a hangover...reason enough to keep some around.

In any case, I'd been feeling a little rough around the edges after the holidays, and I was starting to look a little like Keith Richard stumbling off the tour bus at 2am in the wrong part of town. Not sexy...unless you're Keith Richard, maybe. Recalling that I still had some GV in the freezer, I started drinking it daily on New Year's Eve.

Fast forward to today: As I was putting away Christmas ornaments, listening to my iPod, singing and shaking my ass, I realized that I feel freaking awesome today. Seriously, totally, really good. It probably helps that I found one pair of my good jeans (yay!) and I'm wearing them, but I can only really attribute this to the Green Vibrance, which is full of tons of great stuff like wheatgrass, alfalfa, spirulina, barley, probiotics, and a host of other healthy-sounding ingredients.

Oh yeah, you should try this stuff. I'm just saying!

This message has not been solicited or approved by the makers of Green Vibrance. This message is not intended to diagnose or treat any disease. Consult your doctor before following the medical advice of a blogger who admittedly shakes her ass while putting away Christmas ornaments and loses her pants.

The First of the Year

Well, ladies and gents, Happy New Year! May 2009 bring each of you nothing but the best. If you're the resolution-making type, I wish you luck, willpower, and the determination to make your resolutions come true. As for me, I'm going to work on eating better food, drinking more tea and slightly less booze, and hunting down the community newspaper delivery folks and cussing them out brutally. Ambitious, isn't it?

Maybe another realistic resolution would be to make future posts more singularly topical, but I can't promise that for you today. As I've been wont to do recently, I'm going to cover two different subjects, starting with a The Mystery of My Good Jeans.

Some background: Like most people, I have a couple of pairs of jeans that I prefer above the others in my closet. What differentiates these jeans is that they fit properly, and I don't feel like a complete 'tard wearing them. Incidentally, both these pair are Lucky jeans, which is why I only have two. In any case, I can't find either pair, which means either that they've been vaporized by some malevolent force seeking to enslave me, or they've been put away in someone else's closet. Everyone here denies possession of my good jeans, which certainly warrants some investigation, but in the meantime, I've started wearing the kids' jeans. I imagine they'll have more motivation to sort this out when they realize that they've only got shorts clean and ready for school on Tuesday. I'll keep you posted.

And now for something completely different, I have to share one of the funny, no...HILARIOUS gifts I received from my SIL for Christmas, a lovely book called Porn for Women. Wait...don't go...it's not what you think! This is a book with pictures of good-looking CLOTHED men doing various household tasks with appropriate captions sure to be a turn-on to most gals. An example: Photo: Man putting on gloves wielding a spray bottle of window cleaner...Caption: "I really prefer to get to these things before I have to be asked.". I can't do it justice here, so suffice it to say that I almost peed my pants reading this book.

Correction: I almost peed one of the kid's pants reading this book.

Happy New Year, y'all!